I have prided myself thus far on my blog for being honest. I choose my topics very carefully, and there are some things I will not write about as far as my personal life or Mr. Wench’s personal life go. But one thing I must speak on is my growing sense of going stir-crazy.
Not mentioned on this blog, but it has been mentioned on my other blog, is that back in the beginning of the year, Mr. Wench’s stepfather passed away. His death was sudden, unexpected, and tragic. Mr. Wench’s mother (I shall dub her Wench-in-law, WIL for short) began to go out more often after this happened. This is fine by me. I have no problem with her wanting a social life. WIL was our primary caregiver for the WenchKids when I was working, and when the Mister and I wanted to go out, which was a fairly rare occurence.
When WIL started to go out more, Mr. Wench and I quickly learned not to ask her to watch the kids on Fridays, Mondays, and at the beginning, Wednesdays and Saturdays. We didn’t go out much anyways, so this wasn’t a problem. When ToddlerGirl was born, WIL had taken care of SchoolGirl to give me a break for a couple days. ToddlerGirl was a good, calm, quiet baby, but the help was greatly appreciated.
BabyBoy has been a demanding, inconsolable, fussy infant, and now thrush has been thrown into the mix. Someone told me it’s like broken glass on a baby’s tongue, so I can only imagine that my son has been…uncomfortable to say the least. On school mornings, it’s nearly impossible to get all of us ready and out the door on time. I have not expected any help, but it would be nice. Mr. Wench and I can’t even take the kids out to dinner at the diner because BabyBoy is so fussy and unpredictable, even when he naps, which seems to be only for 10 minutes at a time.
And tonight Mr. Wench has gone to a Halloween party at the drummer’s (Mr. Wench is in a band) house, where the band was to play. I could not go along because we had no one to watch BabyBoy. There is a situation going on between Mr. Wench and his mother which I am not at liberty to discuss. I mean, I probably could discuss if I wanted to, but I choose not to out of respect and compassion to my Mister. But the situation eliminates asking her to watch the WenchKids.
So up until now I have kept my mouth shut. But it’s genuinely getting to the point where I just feel like I deserve a night with Mr. Wench, if only for a couple hours. I am not so entitled as to expect this night, but I’m sorry, if it were me, I’d find the time to mind my grandkids so my kid could get a night with his/her significant other. Granted, this time around it has not affected the relationship between Mr. Wench and I, but (forgive me if I sound whiny here) it’s affecting me. I like to get out of the house every now and then and right now I go out vicariously through Mr. Wench, who has stated multiple times that he does not feel right going out without me, nor does he feel it’s fair that he gets to leave to go to work, he gets to leave for band practice, he gets to leave for shows, etc., and I am stuck here at home.
I am torn between my non-confrontational nature and my angry urge to just scream. I am beginning to feel trapped, and I have never been one to deal well with limitations, and I know this is definitely contributing to the issues I addressed in my previous post.
I need some away time to regroup and recenter so that I can be the best mommy to my kids. I need some time with Mr. Wench and other people, away from my children, so that Mr. Wench and I can tend to the love we have between us.
I just need a night away from my kids so I can be me…