Don’t Join This Dark Side…

I have battled with this post for the greater part of nearly three weeks, and within the past few days, I have reached the breaking point.

I have something to say to some of the Mommy Bloggers. This applies to only some, not all, of you. I don’t intend to offend, but, as they say, truth hurts, so if you’re offended, well…

I have met (well, interacted) many wonderful women in the blogosphere through this blog, my cooking blog, and my writing blog. But I have come into contact with two bloggers. Well, one confirmed blogger. The other one, I’m not so sure what she is, if she’s even a she, or what. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I would have had the chance to meet some of you at BlogHer ’12 this year. I was in talks with my to-be sponsor (my second of two, the first backed out due to budget constraints), finalizing prices and everything. At the last moment, everything fell through and they backed out after initially agreeing to the partnership agreement. I was given no reason why…so I asked for one, politely of course, so that I could learn better what to do next time, if I had indeed done something wrong. I was assured that I had done nothing wrong. In fact, in a bit of an interesting twist, I was informed that another blogger had reached out to them stating that I (or rather, ABMF) is a fledgling blog helmed by a woman who is new to the blog world and therefore the world of partnerships, and accused me of blatantly LYING to the company to procure a partnership.

Nevermind the fact that if this company (which was a little more “fledgling” than me and has actually closed up shop after almost a year in business) didn’t bother to fact-check with me that they probably weren’t a company I should have been working with to begin with. The fact remains is that someone, for whatever reason, intentionally cost me a partnership. Why? I don’t know. I’d be less angry if I were able to say “Oh, she wanted a sponsor so she took mine”, but I can’t, because she didn’t. Yes, you read that right.

She cost me what could have been a great partnership with a company I (at the time) truly believed in and she didn’t even attempt to make the maneuver benefit her.

So she’s either really stupid or really malicious. Or, more frighteningly, both.

And then I got my first troll comment the other day. I won’t go into what was said, or who wrote it, because since the only system of checks and balances I have is to personally moderate all comments I receive.

I have decided not to feed the troll. But this, combined with the actions of the other blogger, who made sure to tell my potential sponsor that she was more established than me, took pains to point out that my traffic is low (which it is, compared to some bloggers, but compared to others, isn’t low at all). I had pitched them on the fact that we are both new kids on the block, and we could mutually benefit each other. I don’t understand why she did that, and then didn’t even attempt to partner with them.

Let me set the record straight. I don’t care about your numbers, how long you’ve been around, blah blah blah. I don’t care about your stats, because they are your stats, and not mine. Numbers do not make you better than me, or me better than you. I don’t flaunt my traffic. The number of people who follow me on Pinterest astounds, confuses, and humbles me, but I don’t think it makes me better than you. I don’t care about numbers. This blog is merely my latest incarnation. It doesn’t matter that I launched ABMF less than a year ago. It doesn’t matter that I have been blogging in one form or another since 1998. That doesn’t make me more awesome than you. What I care about is what each individual blogger brings to the table. I care about the quality of my content. I try to stay true and honest about things I speak of on here. I try to find quality blogs written by women whose voice refresh, inspire, motivate. I look for voices that contain passion, and I try to exude passion in what I write.

To the blogger who sabotaged me…I don’t know what you thought you were accomplishing, but you achieved nothing. Am I disappointed not to be going to BlogHer this year? Yes, because I was looking forward to sessions that would help me further my blogging goals, help me make ABMF what I want it to be. But you proved nothing other than your malicious sense of self-entitlement, and for what? I had a slight crisis in which I almost gave up blogging. Until I had my epiphany.

You see, oh Catty McCatterton, blogging is not my only love. It is not my true love. It is, at best, a hobby. If I end up making money off of it, good for me, what a happy surprise. But guess what? By the end of the summer, hopefully by the end of the month, I will be a published author and you will still be doing what? Blogging about your love of foie gras? Amazing. Good for you. And granted, I will be selling my book on Amazon, but hey, we all start somewhere, right? I started as a child with a pencil and a notebook, morphed into a teen who got her first Xanga a month before she got her license, and became a grown woman who hopped from blogging platform to blogging platform before finding a home with WordPress. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get a book deal from an ink and paper publishing house, maybe I won’t.

What goes around comes around, you get what you give. At least I don’t feel the need to maliciously sabotage other bloggers so I can sleep satisfied with myself at night.

There needs to be a change in the blogosphere. We need to support each other, and not do this to each other. There are many, many wonderful women on the blogs, more good people than bad. But there are bloggers out there who feel the need to throw around numbers and time like it actually matters, as if it makes them better than the newbie just starting out. It doesn’t, and shame on anyone who feels that they are better than any other blogger or feels that they are entitled to the opportunities another blogger might have because “Gosh darnit I’m so special and amazing and why are they getting something I didn’t?”

Because that’s what it boils down to, right? Jealousy? And if so, then I laugh at you. Jealous? Of me? Blogger please. I am no one to be jealous of, Make your own opportunities, don’t ruin another blogger’s.

Have fun on that dark side, because I’m certain they don’t have cookies over there. Just bitter, lonely tears.

Oh, by the way, I forgive you.

To the wonderful bloggers out there (you know who you are!), were you ever sabotaged or put down by another blogger for stupid reasons? Discuss in comments, but please, don’t name names. As much as I would love to have all the rude, catty, backstabbing bloggers called out, that is not the point of this post.

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2 responses to “Don’t Join This Dark Side…

  1. Oh my gosh. I can’t believe this even happened. I am so sorry!

  2. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Not all bloggers are like this, let me assure you. I have had my own experience with another blogger who was suppose to be my friend. I just started blogging this year and what I have already seen in the blogging world is shocking, to say the least. All you can do at this point is to move forward and find a group of bloggers who are supportive and encouraging of one another and let it go. There are always going to be haters. I figured this out pretty quickly. I believe what goes around comes around. Hang in there and just keep moving forward. Another opportunity will come along even better than the one you lost.

    BTW, I so want to go to Blogher too. I didn’t get a sponsor but hoping next year I will.

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