As a mother, I find it difficult sometimes to remember that there is another person in the household who needs attention almost as much as the kids do.
Today, I’m going to be talking about a very important topic…motherhood and romance. By romance, I mean almost every aspect. Whether you’re a single mom and dating, or whether you’re in a committed relationship with your significant other, being a mom often means the same, regardless of relationship status. You are on call, day and night, every single day of the year. At any moment, a little voice could call out “Mommy!!”, and you are obligated to answer. So how on earth are you supposed to have any time or energy left for the other part of your equation? Especially when they want to…you know…have some “us” time?
Oh yeah. I totally went there, because let’s face it, sexuality is a part of motherhood…parenthood in general. I mean, you did the deed to have a child, right? And even if you didn’t, and you’ve adopted a child, you know how kids are made. We’re all grown-ups here, and I won’t get too detailed (after all, this *is* a family blog), but gosh darnit, sometimes it’s just…not easy to put the effort in that every relationship requires.
The Mister and I had a pretty good relationship when it was just three of us. Me, him, and SchoolGirl. After KinderGirl was born, we went through a rough patch. I didn’t feel like doing much. I was so absorbed in my newborn, and my toddler, that I was just too busy. At least, it felt like that to me at the time. But in time, we recovered, and we turned out okay.
After BabyBoy was born, things took an even further nosedive. I was exhausted, depressed, fat…I hated myself pretty badly. And the last thing I wanted to do was indulge anyone…plus I harbored some pretty powerful resentment. So the Wench in Law couldn’t/wouldn’t watch the kids…like, *ever*. Okay, fine. But why couldn’t the Mister give up one night over the weekend to get up with BabyBoy? Why couldn’t he send me out of the house for a few hours, just to get away from everyone?
Now, I have to admit, the Mister did get up with BabyBoy. Twice, and then I put a stop to any further nights, though he didn’t offer too often…very rarely, in fact. But when he did, I refused. Why? Because I actually got less sleep when he got up with BabyBoy than I did when I got up with BabyBoy. Mister is not a quiet person, and he’d wake me up. So yeah, I stopped that pretty quickly.
Point is, with all that resentment, depression, bitterness, anger, and sadness swirling in me, the last thing I wanted to do was anything having to do with the bedroom. I didn’t feel pretty enough. I didn’t feel…sexy enough. I envisioned the rest of my life without any of that, and the thought of it actually sat pretty good with me. I’m too depressed to get out of bed, don’t touch me. I am supposed to get a shower today anyways, but I don’t want to get in the shower, leave me alone. It wasn’t that I *wanted* to be a dirty, greasy, disgusting, sexless slob…in fact, I *didn’t* want to. But the postpartum depression just made me not give a rip anymore.
It began to spiral out of control, to a point where the Mister’s abrasive and often sarcastic manner was no longer even occasionally funny. Everything felt like an insult, a personal attack on some area where I had failed, be it at being a mom, being a girlfriend, being a woman.
So of course I didn’t want to do anything. Depression can mess with you like that.
A couple of weeks ago, I was approached by Nicole at Spicy Subscriptions about doing a giveaway/review. Spicy Subscriptions is an adult-themed monthly subscription service, and so at first, I was a little reluctant. I mulled it over, and then it hit me. I’d been planning on doing a “being a mom and being in a relationship is hard” type of post, because, in all honesty, sexuality is a companion to parenthood, regardless of how the baby came about, be it the old fashioned way or through adoption, babies all are born via the same actions.
So I responded and said I’d be interested in reviewing it, and we agreed to hold off on the giveaway until both Nicole and I could see if it would be beneficial to both our respective interests.
They offer two subscription options, Premium ($24.95/mo) and Deluxe ($34.95/mo) with FREE shipping.
I got my Deluxe box last week, and I opened it up. It came in a plain first-class bubble envelope, and it was rather heavy. In it was an assortment of items curated to help adults put some intimacy, some spark, back into their bedrooms. There were lotions, candies, and a massager. The one lotion smells like a cupcake…but while I don’t normally like sweet scents (I like sporty and lightly floral scents), this one was not heavy and overpowering.
I do have to say that I am rather…prudish and awkward. Not prudish as in “turn the lights off and cut a hole in a sheet”…the only reason I want the lights off is because I hate my body, but that is a completely different story for another post. But more of a comfort in the routine. I have to be careful about TMI here, folks, this is a PG-13 site that my parents and siblings read…though, I have 3 kids, how the heck do you think that happened? Come on, people…
But if things have become…I really hate to use this word…boring, routine, way too predicatable, then the Spicy Subscriptions Box, no matter which one you end up going with, will definitely change that. I love the box. I really do love the box, and again, because of my readership, I can’t go into graphic details (plus, yes, I am an open book, but I still believe some things should be sacred to a couple, and I think the Mister would agree with me on this one!), but I *really* love this box. But it isn’t just for couples, either. Single gals would probably have a blast with a Spicy Subscription.
I love the idea of this subscription service. But tying in with what I said in the previous paragraph, I have to admit, some of the things in the box had me scratching my head, wondering what I’m supposed to do with them, and I think maybe Spicy Subscriptions would be even that more awesome if the card that came in the box offered some ideas for use in addition to the product information they provide, because I’m kind of dumb when it comes to…accessories and such. But Google does exist for a reason, and so I have taken to Google to educate myself.
Even if your relationship isn’t at the edge of crisis, this box is still a great idea to broaden your horizons and shake up the routine. Because yeah, the routine is probably all well and good…but there’s always room for improvement. While I’m not looking to go all 50 Shades of Gray…maybe a little change would do some good for couples everywhere.
How do you find time to keep the flame alive? What has your Mister or Missus done lately that just made you think “Yup. There’s that spark!”? Please keep your comments PG-13 and keep in mind that I don’t just mean things of a sexual nature (again, some things are sacred), but has a sweet gesture by your honey just made your heart leap into flames?