Music is My Medicine…

Blogging Prompt: Do you have music playlists organized by mood? Pick one and describe it.
Song Prompt: My “Songs for the Depressed” playlist

Why yes, I DO have my playlists organized by my mood. Right now, the playlist I have been listening to the most is “Songs for the Depressed”. Contrary to what you may think, there isn’t just sad music on there, and it isn’t a list of the most happy, upbeat songs I could find. Because yeah, I like to listen to songs that will make me feel slightly better about things, but you know what? Sometimes that sadness needs to be fed so that it may be purged in the end. Let’s take a look at my “Songs for the Depressed” playlist…

Like I said, this playlist has a huge variety…right now the list is comprised of 71 songs, with more being added all the time. I’m going to pick my top 10, and we’ll just go from there.

“Voices” – Alice in Chains: I’m usually pretty open, here and in real life, though there are some things I refuse to discuss. I had a question from a reader once… “Merry, you say you try to be as open as possible, so why do you also say that you find that you censor yourself more often than you care to?” The answer is  complex, but it boils down to this: If I were completely uncensored, there are a few people who’d never speak to me again. This song reflects that. I’d love to tell you exactly how deep the waters of my depression are. I’d love to vent and rant about exactly why I’m so bitter and bitchy at times. But out of respect and love for people, I don’t.
Lyric Selection: I’ve been told/dreamin’s free/think I’ll go/back to sleep/everybody listen/voices in my head/everybody listen/’cuz you’ll see what mine says

“Somebody that I Used to Know” – Gotye: Who can’t relate to this song? I sure can. Love me. Validate me. Acknowledge that I changed you as much as you changed me. Thanks for blaming me for everything and taking none of the blame on yourself. Takes two to make a realtionship, and it sure as hell takes two to break it.
Lyric Selection: Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over/but had me believing it was always something that I’d done/but I don’t want to live that way/reading into every word you’d say

“Summertime Sadness” – Lana del Rey: Wow. I thought, when I first head about the song (I hadn’t actually heard it yet), “Another pop star writing a superficial song about some freaking summer romance”…and then I listened to it. Not the remix. The album version. Holy sadness Batman. One line in particular sends chills down my spine…”Nothing scares me anymore”. Good lord I know that feeling.
Lyric Selection: Oh my god, I feel it everywhere/Nothing scares me anymore

“Down in a Hole” – Alice in Chains: I said above that sometimes the sadness needs to be fed until it bursts. Emotional release is itself a therapeutic thing when all you have to remind you that you’re still standing are the overwhelming, super-magnified feelings. Alice in Chains wrote many good songs for this. It was really hard making a small lyric selection, so most of the lyrics are here…but the whole song is just…especially if you’re familiar with the story of AIC frontman Layne Staley…it’s chilling. Watch the MTV Unplugged performance if you can. Layne’s demons are so apparent they’re almost visible, right there on his shoulder.
Lyric Selection: Down in a hole and I don’t know if I can be saved/See my heart I decorate it like a grave/you don’t understand who they thought I was supposed to be/Look at me now a man who won’t let himself be/Down in a hole feeling so small/down in a hole losing my soul/I’d like to fly but my wings have been so denied/Down in a hole and they’ve put all the stones in their place/I’ve eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste/I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth/I will speak no more of these feelings beneath

“I will not Bow” – Breaking Benjamin: Despite the lyrical content of this song, I find hope in this song. I love me some BB.
Lyrical Selection: All is lost again/but I’m not giving in…

“Lithium” – Evanescence: If you’ve gone through depression, you can relate to this song. Supposedly about singer Amy Lee’s breakup with Seether frontman Shaun Morgan, I find no romantic connotations to this. This song is literally, to me, the theme song of my depression…the fight to struggle through, the conflicting desires to find my way to the light and to let myself drown in the sorrow. The need I feel to have others say how much I mean to them (because I can’t see it in myself), and the almost comforting familiarity I feel in the depression. No amount of wine could make me see my own self-worth. I tend to stay away from any type of alcohol when I’m depressed…it only makes it worse. I’m putting the entire lyrics here. To select a snippet would devalue how much this song speaks to me. There is a battle of wills, and both of them can be very alluring. You want to break free, but the sadness is familiar, and familiarity can be very comforting at a time when you’re buckling under the weight of a myriad of insecurities.
Lyrics: Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside/Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without/Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow/oh, but god, I want to let it go/Come to bed don’t make me sleep alone/couldn’t hide the emptiness/you let it show/never wanted it to be so bad/just didn’t drink enough to say you love me/I can’t hold on to me/wonder what’s wrong with me/Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside/Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without/Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow/oh, but god, I want to let it go/Don’t want to let it lay me down this time/drown my will to fly/here in the darkness I know myself/can’t break free until I let it go/Darling I forgive you after all/anything is better than to be alone/and in the end I guess I had to fall/always find my place among the ashes/I can’t hold on to me/wonder what’s wrong with me/Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside/Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without/Lithium, stay in love with you/oh, I’m gonna let it go

“Bad Day” – Fuel: Because I had a bad day again. And no, you probably wouldn’t understand.
Lyric Selection: And she swears there’s nothing wrong/I hear her playing that same old song

“The Dance” – Garth Brooks: Because in life, even pain serves a purpose, and changing even one thing could throw everything off. In my playlist, I have songs that pay tribute to people, both living and those who’ve passed. W.R.S…this one is for you. I miss you every day, and when I am lost in the darkness, I remember you. Heaven knows where we’d be today if you’d never said goodbye, but I like to think that no matter what, we would have always been friends, and it is in that capacity that I miss you now.
Lyric Selection: Looking back on the memory of/the dance we shared beneath the stars above/for a moment all the world was right/how could I have known/that you’d ever say goodbye/and now I’m glad I didn’t know/the way it all would end/the way it all would go/Our lives are better left to chance/I could have missed the pain/but I’d have had to miss the dance… I wouldn’t have missed you for the world…Our time was worth it.

“Dig” – Incubus: A beautiful reminder that I have friends who love me, are there for me, and understand me in a way that few can. They know they can count on me to be there when they need me, and this song reminds me that when I need them, they’ll be there, shovels at the ready, to dig me out of the hole.
Lyric Selection: We all have a sickness/that cleverly attaches and multiplies/no matter how we try/we all have someone that digs at us/at least we dig each other/so when sickness turns my ego up/I know you’ll act as a clever medicine/if I turn into another/dig me up from under what is covering/the better part of me/sing this song/remind me that we’ll always have each other/when everything else is gone…I love you guys.

“Days Go By” – The Offspring: This song is so full of hope, and so encouraging to my soul. I’ve had it on repeat, as a reminder that in the end, these are merely days, and they will pass.
Lyric Selection: All your anger all your hurt/doesn’t matter in the end/those days go by/and we all start again/what you had and what you lost/they’re all memories in the wind/those days go by/and we all start again…Reminds me why I find healing in forgiveness.

I have many more…maybe on a day when I am not struck with inspiration, I’ll post a full listing.

Just remember: Like that one song goes, put one foot in front of the other, and when you find yourself in hell, keep walking. You might make it out before the devil even knows you’re there.

See you tomorrow, my dears.


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